With every feature, I am inspired by the beautiful young men and women from whom I’m learning so much from. I continue to be fascinated by their ability to define their own lives and follow their dreams against all odds. As I continue to interview more outstanding Saint Lucians, I feel a great sense of pride knowing that there are many others who share in my vision of working together to help inspire and empower the youth by willing to share their stories of triumph and struggle.

There are outstanding young men and women in our midst, and I pray that every interview is read by the people who need the message and inspiration the most, like Velika’s story.

Velika Lawrence is the type of young woman that puts the meaning behind the word courage. She is fearless, honest, intelligent, brave and wise beyond her years. When I first met her, I knew that I wanted to share her story for the many young men and women who suffer in silence. I hope that by her courage to speak out, many learn that they are not alone, and that one should truly not judge a book by its cover. Meet my fourth feature-Velika Lawrence.

 

 

Lovee:  Hello Velika, it´s such a great pleasure to be able to interview you, to share your incredible story of courage, and your vision with others.

 

Vel: Hi Loverly (Smile) Thank you so much for choosing me. I feel honored to have a voice through your work.

 

Lovee: You’re welcome. I am so happy that you agreed to share your story with me and my readers. I can still remember when I was introduced to you by our mutual friend Caroli, and soon after I read an article you wrote. It was one of the most compelling and candid articles that I’ve ever read. I literally cried while reading it. I could have felt your truth and pain all in one. It was such an empowering article…

 

Vel: Thank you so much. Truth is something I have always valued, and its many faces are a big part of the message that I want to send to whoever needs to understand the meaning.

 

Lovee: I really admired your courage and strength to be able to speak your truth so openly and candidly. I think that article conceptualizes everything about your purpose and the way in which you´re using your life now to help make a difference in the lives of others. Tell us a little more about you and that particular article I’m referring to.

 

Vel: Thank you, it’s important to know that I have touched one person who is on a similar mission of empowerment and action. Oh boy what would you like to know!? I am passionate about fulfilling the basic emotional needs of the people whom I interact with. I grew up around a lot of broken people and I am grateful that though I have had my share of unfortunate experiences like everyone else, I was loved and I know love and until I am no longer breathing I want to spread the power of truth and unconditional love and respect in ALL areas of life- primarily within an individual and the family unit.

 

The article was written as an introduction to the mission of my developing non-profit organization-PROSAF. I wanted to explain to victims and survivors of sexual assault that they are not alone. I wanted to be one of the first to come forward and to describe to our country what that sort of violation feels like. I wanted to people to understand the pain and the struggles we face internally and how it affects our external lives. I wanted to introduce myself as a survivor and to declare my dedication to the promotion of awareness of sexual assault issues in our society. The article explains my passion for moving back home, my encounters with sexual assault and my mission to take action.

 

Lovee: It takes a whole lot of courage or “Kutzpah” as some usually say to speak so candidly about a topic that is so taboo in Saint Lucia and the Caribbean. No one wants to talk about the issue as Mark Hennecart rightfully calls, “Pedophilia-the continued cry of the Saint Lucian child.” This is very prevalent in our culture, and it´s not just happening among the poor, but in all facets of our society. How were you able to find the courage to come out and tell your story?

 

Vel: I am not familiar with Mark Hennecart’s article however, on the surface I would like to say that Sexual Assault is very misunderstood and that is why dealing with it is feared. Pedophilia is one part of the problem but it is important to deal with ALL aspects of Sexual Assault in our homes and in our society. It will be the continued cry of every child on earth until the people who are supposed to protect the children can decide to take action. Sexual Assault needs to be addressed comprehensively, like all other negative issues which affect individuals, families and societies.

My courage came from a few things, I wanted to take up my responsibility as a survivor to do whatever I could to spread awareness and provide support for those who may come after me. I know firsthand what the violation can do to a human being and I didn’t want to perpetuate the concept of silence. I took a very long time to allow the truth of my experiences to seep out but when I opened up, out of the frustration of dealing with my self-esteem issues, I realized that so many people in my life are living with the pain of the same experiences. I DECIDED THAT SOMETHING NEEDED TO BE DONE.  I have tremendous support from my immediate family, a few close friends and my business partner and Co-founder of PROSAF, Souyenne Daythorne (if you think I’m strong then you need to meet her!). She was ready to speak out for a long time and I had been silently supporting her but I could never bring myself to actually MAKE A MOVE. After a talk in May I decided I was ready to TAKE ACTION, and so I called her and we began spreading PROSAF’s message: Positive reactions over secrets and fear.

 

 

Lovee: PROSAF, hmmmm, sounds interesting. What is it about and why was it founded?

 

Vel: PROSAF stands for Positive Reactions Over Secrets and Fear. We decided on that name because we felt that was the exact message we needed to send to individuals, family units, governments, law enforcers, teachers and communities. My partner and I wanted to send a clear message that whatever is being done is insufficient and we will to do whatever we can to erase the fear of addresses issues which affect the family unit in society; specifically sexual assault issues. We both shared our stories in the local newspapers and on you webpages.

PROSAF operates under two branches: ThePower OfOne and Surviving Sexual Abuse in the Caribbean. ThePower OfOne addresses the all-round education and responsibility of the members of the family unit, throughout the lifespan. Surviving sexual Assault in the Caribbean is responsible for spreading the awareness about sexual assault and addressing how we cope with it in society. Sou and I shared our experiences in a local newspaper and on our webpages. We wanted to stand together to show that it can and will be done. We want to encourage others to speak out and eventually provide resources for treatment for survivors who are ready to accept it.

 

Lovee: In Mark Hennecart article, “Pedophilia- the cry of the Saint Lucian child,” he quotes Justice Redhead, and I quote. “It is like a disease in St. Lucia -six year olds, nine year olds, twelve year olds. Why are they doing this? What is wrong with St. Lucia? Perhaps the court is too lenient. I think the courts need to send out a stronger message.” 

You think?  I´ve said it before, and I will say it again, I believe that our society has failed our children in that regard. From the parents, to the churches, to the courts, to the teachers, to social workers, to the feminists, to the government, to the police officers, everyone has failed our children. No one wants to take responsibility or be held accountable. Who is fighting and being a voice for those kids? No one! I hear people speak fancy rhetoric, but who is exposing the culprits? Who is marching in the streets? Who is starting a movement? Who is making an example of these perpetrators? No one! And we wonder why this continues. Thank God for people like you, who are not afraid to speak out….

 

Vel: Thank God for the moment to moment opportunities that we all are given to make a difference in our lives and in the lives of everyone we touch. It is not enough to think about it or talk about it. We must all (family, friends, schools, law enforcers, community “ACTIVITSTS”, etc.) define our responsibility so that we can realize the value of society’s interdependence.

 

Lovee: Indeed! Once you decided to speak your truth, how was the response from others- family, friends and strangers?

 

Vel: Well like I said before my parents and siblings have been amazingly supportive. My friends have been mostly supportive and a lot of them have shared their stories and thanked Sou and I for coming forward. Many people are still very silent and I suppose “caught off guard” and uncomfortable or unsure of what to say about it. Like you said in the beginning, Sexual Assault is not something we were trained to speak freely about in St. Lucia. However, the response has been positive and encouraging, overall. I am not focusing on those who aren’t ready. There are many who are in denial but they will understand soon enough. Many people were surprised and said “AA Vel, I had no idea uh- I always thought that you were such a happy go- lucky person-who knew you had gone through all that” etc. etc. Of course I think to myself, well how would you knowJ? You must not judge a book by its cover. I suppose you can judge me by spine (smiling)- pun intended. I am here for those are ready. I do not need to convince anyone that the issues aren’t being dealt with. The facts and effects are evident. There is work to be done, so we have rolled up over sleeves, pinned up our hair and we are unafraid of the necessary blood, sweat and tears. We are committed to our movement’s goal and that is all there is.

 

Lovee: And you can judge me by my ribs…(laughs)…good one Vel…(Smile)

 

Vel: (Smile)… well that is clear…we can also judge you by your smile I suppose (smile).

 

Lovee: (laughs)…it’s a large one…(laughs) thank you. I know that there are a few projects that you are passionate about and are currently working on. Like the old folks loves to say, “You´re a chief cook and bottle washer” (laughs). You´re a lover of life and people, and it shows in every facet of your being. I know you recently graduated from University and moved back home. What did you study, and how would you like to incorporate that to help in the upliftment and development of our people?

 

Vel: (laughs) Loverly, I think I should just attach my resume. I am working but not receiving an income to date- FYI to anyone reading this interview “wink wink-hint hint” (smile).

Lovee: The best form of advertising is word of mouth, so why not? ((laughs).

Vel: Oh yes…(laughs) I moved back home in December 2011. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from CUNY- Queens College in New York and I have work experience with Substance Abuse and Mental Illness clients, Parolees and Client who are on Probation, Juvenile Delinquents, At-risk youth and Mothers who are in need of alternatives to incarceration. I would like to provide counsel and prevention resources to people who are ready to accept that type of assistance in their lives.

I had the privilege of working with the most amazing staff at Counseling Services of Eastern District of New York , where I contributed to the treatment of Substance Abuse and MICA Clients and I have been working and volunteering as a mentor in the field since I left Sir Arthur Lewis Community College in 2005.

I am also a poet and singer and so whenever I am able to share a message through the song in my heart, I perform at open-mic events or whatever stage will have me. I continue to volunteer and learn more about myself by giving back to the community.  I want to make a difference by incorporating my life experience, formal education and work experience to help raise the consciousness and level of awareness of issues in society. I want our society to have an appreciation for the importance of understanding (and accepting) who we are, who we can be. We need to realize the benefits of effective communication and the ability to take responsibility for how we cope with the issues that we face in our unique lives. It is all relative and all necessary.

My father always told me that he believes that I am destined for greatness and I would think…”you are my dad – you are supposed to say that” (smiling) but as I have monitored my growth, I realize that he is right. I was right too, he was supposed to say it and I am grateful that he believed it because now I do as well. I will do what I believe is positive, productive and proactive for the advancement of myself and anyone I know or work with. I want to take the knowledge I’ve learnt from my higher level education and communicate it with all levels of education in the local community.

 

Lovee: Well said, and your dad is so right. I love your confidence also (smiles). I know you got to experience this nightmare first hand, but for those who don´t know, please give us some examples of real life situations of children you have encountered who have experienced sexual abuse and what it´s like for them living with that guilt.

 

Vel: There are victims/survivors and predators/ abusers/offenders of all ages. Anyone who has been violated will more than likely suffer with self-esteem, confusing guilt, betrayal and trust issues, and body image issues to list a small few effects of the experience.

 

Note of guidance:

Be sure to give your children adequate and appropriate love and affection so that they never feel that it is ok to receive any kind of attention from people who are out to hurt them. Talk to your children DAILY about the events of their day. Listen to them in their silence, their body language will say a lot. The victim NEVER asks for it. The offender is the abuser. Also, parents who are genuinely vigilant must seek counsel as well because it is not easy to deal with the harsh reality that no matter how much you try to control a situation, it can and does happen.

 

Example One:

Spiritual and Community Leader Betrayal

*8 year old girl from Micoud, St. Lucia who is now 54 and living in San Souci, St. Lucia*

-She was standing next to a French priest as she was waiting for him to translate a letter from French to English for her guardian. As she sat watching him read the letter, she began to feel his hands sliding slowly and deliberately up her thighs. She was able to find it in her to threaten to tell her father as the Priest’s hand made contact with her panty line and separated it from her groin. He angrily sent her on her way and told her that he would no longer be able to translate the letters for her guardian.

From that day she has learnt that you cannot trust anyone and that you need to be skeptical of where you send your children and who you leave them around etc. She has always made a point to ensure her children’s safety throughout their lives as best as she could.

Years later, her daughter (ME), encountered her first violation by her uncle who was also a child at the time.

The moral is that you can never be too careful and so you must ALWAYS be aware and be there for your children because you cannot trust the intentions of someone who is preying on their innocence or willing to use them to satisfy an immediate urge. It is not a lost cause- the facts are what they are- keep communication open and ALWAYS provide validation, comfort and justice in a case that has been reported. It is not easy for anyone to speak about these experiences.

 

Example Two:

Guardian Betrayal

*7 year boy from Long Island, New York, who is now a 59 year old Parolee receiving substance abuse counsel*

 

He explains that at age 5 his mother, who was a drug addict, abandoned him and that his father would leave him alone with his step brothers as he worked 16 hour shifts to support his new family. His 14 hear old brother would sodomize him, beat him with sticks and throw dead insects on him in his sleep.

He responded with that story as he explained for the first time, why he questions his sexuality and elaborates on how it has been for a lifetime gangster who is really so kind inside. He is finally able to come to terms with his experiences and is seeking coping strategies for building his self-esteem. He explains why he felt he needed to turn to the streets and the emptiness he has bottled up inside him all these years.

 

I’d encourage interested people to research and find all the past newspaper articles from our local archives. There are many stories of  victim’s right here. I also encourage people to do their own private investigations and personal inventories into their own lives. There is enough going on within our homes and we need start these processes from the inside out. Take care of your own.

Lovee: WOW! Such heart wrenching stories. You gave some wonderful advices. I pray someone who needs it is reading this interview. Since we are from an island where most people know of each other, a lot of things are swept under the carpet to protect certain people’s reputations/image, or a family’s name, or some people choose to remain silent out of fear, shame etc. But sadly, the vicious cycle continues because most of those perpetrators continue to roam the streets, and are given access to these children in every way. What advice would you give to a child living with such a secret?

 

Vel: (Sighs)… If you are a child living with such a secret… I want you to understand and BELIEVE that it is not your fault and this abuse WILL NOT last forever.  You will soon find it in you to tell someone you can trust; someone who will be ready to help you work through your feelings about what you experience. It is important for you to TELL SOMEONE as soon as possible. If it is possible and you are able, please NEVER DESTROY/HIDE THE EVIDENCE or anything that you have as proof of the abuse you endure. If it is ongoing, you may be able to document, record or video something that serves as proof- be brave- be careful. If the person who hurt you said that no one will believe you, DO NOT LISTEN/BELIEVE THEM, please tell someone who you can trust. If you tell someone and nothing is done, when you can TELL SOMEONE ELSE- never give up on you- you may be all you have- and YOU ARE WORTH IT. The goal is to find a place that you can feel secure soon- a new home if necessary. You will soon find someone who will defend and protect you against whoever decided to hurt you. I want you to give yourself a chance to be whoever you dream you can be. The pain and struggle is normal and there is nothing wrong with you. You are full of life and energy and YOU WILL BE GREATER THAN YOU IMAGINE RIGHT NOW. Trust me- I know.

 

Lovee: So profound and such powerful words! I hope you do public speaking also. It will inspire so many.

 

Vel: Thanks. Yes I have and I hope to take this and other messages to SCHOOL ASSMEBLIES and PTA MEETINGS. It is very important to reiterate words of encouragement in a world where being realistic usually means something negative or disheartening. The truth is that sexual assault is excruciatingly painful but it is not impossible to work through the effects, with time and support. I think what happens is that people are afraid and feel overwhelmingly helpless, and so they give up on themselves or whoever they know who may be enduring such traumatic experiences.

 

 

Lovee: What do you think needs to be done differently in Saint Lucia towards children who have been abused in any way?

 

Vel: I think that we adults need to grow up and stop being so afraid of everything. Stop caring what people will think and start working on and being part of the solution for what IS.  We are their examples. You cannot tell the children one thing and then do something different and then scold them for becoming YOU. We are the children’s protectors. If one of us doesn’t step in- who will? It can mean a range of things and it will take time. Every case is so intricately different. LOVE AND PROTECT THE CHILD and PUT THEM FIRST- whatever that means considering the circumstance. DO NOT REST until you know in your heart of hearts that this child feels validated and secure and that justice has been served.

 

Lovee: And that my friend is the gospel truth. We are a society that is so consumed by what people think and say, and it is really keeping us back. Did you ever face your abuser, or get any kind of justice?

 

Vel: I have never faced any of my abusers (3) in the way that I would have liked to but at this time I don’t feel I need to. We will see though. Life changed for me and I was removed from the first circumstance/environment almost immediately. The second one; I see him on the street from time to time, and at that time it happened I pretended it didn’t so we went along like our friendship was normal because I felt embarrassed and afraid. I was a tomboy and I felt weak and I wanted to prove to myself that I could be ok. The third one, I called very soon after to inform him I never wanted to see him again and to inform him of the health condition that I had contracted from that episode. I had bigger problems as far as I was concerned. I felt worthless, empty and disgusting.

As far as “Justice”- I have found comfort in my beliefs of life and experiences. The support that I have received from the people who love me is humbling. I was raised with a foundation of Hindu Religion and I believe that according to the natural law of Karma, that I am alright and will continue to be alright. The people who I interact with in this life will receive their due experiences for the impact they made on my life, as I will also receive my just rewards. I expect that this is not a response that many can wrap their heads around but this is how I cope. I should have said something sooner but it is so hard to do and you only truly understand the “nature of the beast” (words of Souyenne Daythorne) when you have experienced it.

 

Lovee: Do you think that this is a permanent stain in our society? Is it a disease that cannot be cured?

 

Vel: I don’t know how to answer that question. I think the goal is to be part of the solution and not part of the problem. SPEAK OUT- ENCOURAGE SOMEONE- TAKE ACTION AGAINST ALL THE NEGATIVE ISSUES IN SOCIETY- sexual assault is not the only one. Let’s start somewhere. Let’s start now and see how far we get. For whatever it is worth, I believe that unless you are born with a disease it can ALWAYS be cured, in time, with the right form of treatment and natural/pure medication.

 

Lovee: You have managed to turn your pain into power, and continue to inspire and empower so many. What motivates you and keeps you inspired to do what you do?

 

Vel: (Smiling)… I smile with my heart and eyes from the inside out. My life is a prayer. I constantly take self-inventory. I perception -check. I LOVE LIFE! I LIVE IT! I RESPECT IT! I FORGIVE! I let me hair down and I dance, breathe and believe. I sing. If I could fly, girl, I WOULD DO IT TOO. I strive to freedom and liberation from the stressful bonds that I encounter. I face the issues and then I let them go. I trust that life will unfold as it should. I reread “Desiderata”!

I apply what I say I believe and if I find it’s too hard, I remain patient and silent until it becomes second nature to me.

 

 

Lovee: Ahhhh, I love that! You go girl! (laughs) I am sure some days are tougher than others, but how are you able to put this nightmare behind you and be happy again?

 

Vel: I cry! Then I breathe. I call my Mommy and my Brother to vent, I pray. I disassociate from the negative things, people or places. I search for some happy distraction- go for a run- or a swim. I rise to the test of the moment and take the lesson from it. I am more than my battle scars. I am who I chose to be. I constantly create affirmations for myself and then I mirror-talk until I believe them. I speak the truth and when that doesn’t seem to help I trust that God know the truth and eventually I will feel better. (laughs)l but mostly …I am a Scorpio- I just cry….it’s great therapy…it works (laughs).

When I feel discouraged I call someone who loves me or I go to the mirror and remind myself of why I started a certain journey. Hmm lots of mirror-talk…am I vain? (laughs) Kidding..Self-talk is great.

 

Lovee: (laughs) Oh do I know about the mirror talks! (laughs) We are both vain then! (laughs)

 

Vel: (laughs)…Well beauty is in the eye of the holder….and I don’t think we look too bad Lovee…but hey! But since we are on the topic for two seconds let me say that I feel that our beauty comes from within. I strive daily to be more beautiful that the day before and I think that it is important in our society to encourage our youth to nurture their inner beauty, build their character and confidence. THEY WILL NEVER REGRET IT.

 

 

Lovee: Profound! I talk a lot about that in my book also.I know that you are a proud Saint Lucian and who is interested in community initiatives to help move us in a positive direction. What do you think we need more of as a people to help achieve some of those goals?

 

Vel: Yes! I am a proud St. Lucian! I think we need to encourage all forms of education (academic and creative arts) for our children. I think we need to realize the difference in each child’s learning style and help them find their passions. I think we need to show them that there are many successful St. Lucians. The everyday man is a proud man and his story is very important. We need to teach individual and nation pride. We need to invest in the higher education of the youth and teach them to be independent and the importance of interdependence. We need less doubt and negativity, and  more positive discipline and proactive strides to the sustenance of community development.

And! Teachers need to learn to love their jobs! It is not a last resort occupation. It has become the pathetic job that you take up when you cannot find a job in your field and so out of resentment you say “Woye I’ll just go un teach”. Really!!!? “Just” go un teach?…How is that being responsible and productive. When a child does not have a supportive family and he or she feels that the teacher believes they are worthless, slow or inadequate…how exactly does that help???

No matter where you are in life- no matter what job you find yourself in, please do it to the best of your ability. Be kind and considerate and responsible. Remember each of us have a direct and indirect influence on each other, whether you realize it or not.

 

Lovee: Everything you said here is the absolute truth, and we need to really think about every word. I love what you said about teaching being a last resort, which is such a big problem with our education system. Teachers who are not passionate about their job and doing it as a last resort. Tell us about the people you are working with on your projects who are making a positive difference in our society.

 

Vel: Right now the only person I am working with actively is Souyenne Daythorne- PROSAF www.prosaf.org Co-Founder and childhood friend. We are developing a non-profit organization to address the issues of Sexual Assault in Society and the Education and Responsibility of the Family unit in Society. Join us on Facebook, Twitter and read our weekly articles in the St. Lucian Voice Newspaper.

I am also working on a few other projects to contribute to arts, and folk-culture but those are underground projects at the moment.

 

Lovee: I know that you have strong family values, and your family is a very important part of your life. How has your encounter changed their world, and how did it affect you´ll relationship?

 

Vel: Only good can come of it! They are supportive. Of course they felt angry, helpless and responsible somehow but like I said it took years for me to explain what I experienced. We are one. My needs and theirs are the same. We will sacrifice anything for each other and for the truth. We are committed to our unit and that is the law we have always learnt to abide by. Love is all there is. Life is a test of unconditional love. I think it has made us closer and stronger and more aware of ourselves. I am the eldest and I constantly feel that mothering responsibility to protect my siblings and make sure they understand the truths of life’s experiences- not to scare them but to ensure that they are prepared and knowledgeable. That is what our parents did for us. God alone knows who I would have been without that strong team. We have our disagreements obviously but we always know to laugh at ourselves and learn the lesson and move on.

 

 

Lovee: In our daily lives, we have to fight and work really hard at remaining positive in a world that can be so negative. How do you deal with negative energy?

 

Vel: I try to remain calm. All energy is one. Things are as you take them and as you see them. Many things we initially perceive as bad or react too impulsively out of fear or misunderstanding, eventually show their purpose if you give them time. I value silence, patience and kindness. I use an equal and opposite force. Life is science (smiling).

 

 

Lovee: (Smiling) you are definitely something special. You are such a light in the world. You´ve come a long way, and God is still working on you. He has so much planned for you, and he will continue to use you to do great things. You are using all of your gifts and talents in a positive way, and you are helping so many people in the process, that´s what being a true leader is all about- being able to inspire and empower others with the gifts and talents we are blessed with, and getting people to act. I don´t care how long it takes, I know you will make a positive difference in our society, and will have a great impact on child abuse issues in Saint Lucia and the Caribbean.

 

Vel: Awwww thank you so much. I wish I could hug you (mental hug). Things like this are what I try to explain to people; the power of one person and the connection that we can make. I am so happy to have been given this opportunity and to be able to touch one person if I can. I feel like we have known each other for much longer than we have. We really live in an amazing age and we need to put technology to positive use because so many people are exploiting and abusing others but look at the wondrous magic you have created Loverly. You are truly an inspiration. God bless you and everything you hold dear and everything you touch. Your parents had great insight when they named you (smiling).

 

Lovee: Heartfelt. Thank you for that, deeply appreciated. Like you, I work hard at being a better person and encourage others to do the same. As long as we are here, we have to keep working on ourselves. “We are imperfect and inevitably flawed, and we are beautiful.” Ok, so I like asking people this question for so many reasons/ what do you want your legacy to be?

 

Vel: Ohhh boy! The miss universe question! (Laughs) !*scary pressuring theme music*

Oh no! I have no mirror-how will I answer this question Loverly?! (laughs).

 

Lovee: (laughs) And you have a great sense of humor, all around bless! (Smiling).

 

Vel: (laughs) Thank you. Let’s see my legacy hmm-I want to be remembered as a person who truly cared, tried, listened, gave and learnt. I want someone smile when they think of the very last time they encountered me. According my favorite Pink Floyd song-I want to love everybody that hates before it’s too late.

 

Lovee: I know I’m smiling. Thank You Vel for this eye opening interview. I look forward to working more with you on future projects. I will keep you in my prayers always. Continue to inspire and empower all you encounter. God bless you! (Smiling).